Save Darfur
They have
sorrow pain
tears screams
Save Darfur
China is
not acting
to help
Save Darfur
one world
one dream
china make
this true
you must
Save Darfur
but to
be fair
we aren't
helping much
Save Darfur
last time
this happened
six-million
people dead
Save Darfur
every one
can help
The world's
problem is
Our problem
Save Darfur
we are
the Children
we are
not Different
across the
world we
all Breathe
the same
Air we
Drink we
Eat we
fear Nightmares
the Unknown
and Death
Children of
the world
rejoice and
raise your
eyes to
the heavens
because pandora
never lost
our hope

-written by me, during Sosial Studies in 10 minuets whilst learning about Darfur.

[--edited to remove the double line-returns and help make the page a bit more readable. --kli]

This message has been edited. Last edited by: kli6,

Ok...so I don't exactly have any finished poetry, but I have pieces of poems that I would really like feedback on.

Poem 1
Don't wake me,
Please don't wake me
Oblivion has taken me
And life's too long you see
So just let me lie and sleep

I can't face every second pressing at the back of my eyes
But when my lids are closed I can't remember, time flies
Confusion is sparking in my sights
And I'm swaying on my feet
My days are flashing past, can't make sense, ends don't meet
So don't wake me
Please don't wake me

Poem 2
My innocence is here in this simplicity of phrases
But my thought, my feelings lost in a maelstrom of mazes
Please don't judge these lines
I'm writing out my truth
But if pretty lies are all you want
Move on to the next booth

Poem 3
I'm blurring at the edges
Losing myself to sleep
Piece by piece I fall away
So soft you can hear me weep
Under the broken sky light
I watch the clearing skies
And sometimes I wonder
Who hears the sun when it cries?

It's too late,
And I'm wrestling fate
I'll never choose

Suspended between love and joy,
tears and hate
I have to choose

Cress, I'm impressed with the expression and, though it sounds a little ironic, the clarity of your poems. The first poem is such a human feel, but you set it in such, ehnn... I don't know, descriptive doesn't seem quite right, but you get the point-- such a lucid way. Very nice

Poem 2: I like this phrase a lot, I think you have something here : "My innocence here is in the simplicity of phrases"

Poem 3 sounds sort of blurry and soft at the beginning, but the ending feels a little jarring and clear cut which is sort of cool.


My only advice is to edit; a little less words to clean it up.

And that's my two cents, hahaha take what you will and do with it as you please

Edit: So now I have my own poem up open for scrutiny. (please be absolutely honest) This is what comes of too much candy, Sisterhood 2, Flogging Molly, and midnight. Heh heh But nonetheless it's a bout friendship *aww*

"Looking Out"

four boats
boats for
lapping up against the shore

run out
out run
fly to the deap ocean

stay tight
tightly stay
promise you won't go away

fish deep
deep fish
I will bring my sweetest dish

wind sun
sun wins
we will always meet ag'in

four, five
five for
I'll be there forever more

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Mel,

So um... does a song count as a poem? Well if it does, here it is:

Takes Something

Walking through the empty woods
Searching for something, I don't know
But when I find it, I'll know.
Because when I find it, my heart will beat...
Again.

And you know that takes something...
And what I'm looking for,
Could it possibly be you?

Because, every time I look at you
My heart starts to jump
Every time I see you smile
Warmth fills me up
Every time you hold my hand
I feel so alive...

I stumble across a vast meadow
Filled with grass and open skies
I look around, it seems so empty
But to my surprise, my heart starts to beat...
Again.

And you know that takes something...
And what I see out there,
Could it possibly be you?

Because, every time I look at you
My heart starts to jump
Every time I see you smile
Warmth fills me up
Every time you hold my hand
I feel so alive...

You don't know how you effect me
You say I have a way with charm,
But yours is so much stronger
Whenever I look in your eyes
I forget about everything around me
I forget about who I am inside.

And you know that takes something...

Every time I look at you
My heart starts to jump
Every time I see you smile
Warmth fills me up
Every time you hold my hand
I feel so alive...

And you know that takes something...

- - -

I wrote it for a fanfic because I didn't feel like using a real song. What do you guys think?

EDIT: Just had to fix a few parts of the song that was bugging me. No biggie. I'm trying to put music to the song... if I get it down do you think I could post it on here? I don't know what site hosts... sounds. Haha.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Emi,

I like it Emi!

I haven't written a poem in a while...I need to do that...I really really should...hmmmmph...